The 6 Don't when taking to your children about divorce!
There are many common mistakes parents make at this time. Learn six of the most important DON’TS so you can avoid them.
1. Don’t put your ex down in front of the kids. When you speak disrespectfully about your children’s other parent they are often hurt and riddled with guilt and confusion. Their thinking is, “If there’s something wrong with Dad or Mom, there must also be something wrong with me for loving them.” This can result in damaging your own relationship with your children, as well.
2. Don’t fight around the children. Studies show that conflict is what creates the most pain and turmoil for children of divorce. Keep parental battles away from your children – even when they’re sleeping or when you’re on the phone. They deserve the peace of mind.
3. Don’t pressure your children to make choices. Most kids feel torn when asked to choose between their parents. Don’t put them in that awkward, difficult position. You can encourage your kids to share their feelings but don’t make them responsible for outcomes they may blame themselves for in the future.
4. Don’t neglect to tell your kids they are not at fault. Too often parents assume their children understand that they are victims in your divorce. That’s not the case. Remind them frequently that they bare no blame in any way related to your divorce – even and especially if you are fighting with their other parent about them.
5. Don’t share information only adults should be privy to. Parents frequently do this to bond with their children or try to win them over to their own side. It creates a burden that children shouldn’t have to bear. Talk to adults about adult issues. Let your kids be kids!
6. Don’t use your children as confidants or spies. Never ask and expect your kids to tell you secrets about their other parent’s life and home. It makes them feel uncomfortable and puts enormous pressure on them. Don’t make your kids your confidants. They’ll resent you for it. And it robs them of their childhood.